This Time

Right so I'm not even entirely sure what I want to write about this evening. Sometimes that urge just overcomes me and I've spent days writing parts of this blog in my head but just haven't had an actual topic or time to sit down and write the effing thing. So here goes. What is really pulling me to this entry is a friend of mine. Her blog is super fantastic like a surprise latte from a coworker or flowers from someone you love. She's like too cool for me to handle and when I read her stuff I feel lame in comparison, but she's just so rad. I think the one thing that really brings us together is the one thing we've both lost - our mothers.

Hers passed away from cancer five years ago and mine floated off to heaven over 12 years ago now. Still doesn't make sense and sometimes I find myself having these surreal moments thinking about how my mom isn't actually HERE. But that's slightly off topic - shit, did I pick a topic? Yes, Claudia. My gorgeous, university writing program, original, honest, hilarious, motherless, cancer surviving buddy. Yes, cancer surviving. She's 26 and she's fighting breast cancer. I say survivor because there is no other option. I'm not being an ostriche here, I'm just refusing to let the universe think I imagine another ending to this story.

Claudia and I met at school sometime during our undergrad. We just sort of started talking one day and then quickly realized we shared some heavy shit. This isn't a club you want to be a member of and if one of us hadn't been partially orphaned, I'm not sure we would have forged a friendship. The common thread between us totally sucks, but there is an understanding shared that can only be understood by those who have also lost their mother at a young age.

In the last month or so, I've heard three pieces of horribly unfair and stunning news. I was to lsoe one friend. One would join the fight against cancer and another was already lost - murdered actually. None of this shit is fair, but this is life and there must be a lesson, right? Apparently I'm not as smart as my dad tells me because I can NOT find the reason for any of this heartache. If my head wasn't screwed on, it would honestly be spinning across my bedroom floor right now because I still can't fully comprehend the stuff I hear these days. A 25 year old woman dying at the hands of a brain tumor. A 26 year old woman being diagnosed with breast cancer. A 27 year old gay man being beaten to death and then run over in the city of Toronto. WTF?

Ya, totally got off topic there which I knew was bound to happen since I didn't start this with a clear ending in mind. I just had stuff I wanted to say and for me, having fingers scoot across a keyboard and hearing the thump of each key helps me sort out my thoughts. Some people think while they're running. Some people think in the car. I think with my hands on the keyboard and right now I'm thinking I just want the people in my heart to be safe, happy and healthy. Too bad it's such a huge thing to wish for.

Bitter blog girl will be signing off now. Hopefully next time I'll be back with some awesomely fabulous news about puppies and sunshine and milkshakes. Deal?

1 comment:

feministottawa said...

Hey MajorGal,

I stumbled upon your blog via facebook and your writing warmed my heart. I hear you about getting things sorted out with writing and reading your blog sorted my jumbled thoughts about similar things going on in my mind recently. I guess it's comforting to know that other people are thinking about these things and not understanding them too.

I hope you don't mind if I become a "regular" at reading your blog. It seems fun and sometimes I need a good excuse to procrastinate :)

Hope you're well!