This Thankful Stuff
Well my sweets, another Thanksgiving has come and gone for us Canadians. This was the first year my Dad and I made the ham my mom used to make. Well, let me clarify. I asked my Dad to make it, he did and then I made a split pea and ham soup from the leftovers. I'm happy to say that Mama would be proud! The ham was delicious and when my Dad was in Aurora cooking, I was at my condo downtown shedding a few happy tears thinking about my Mom.
I came home from a little jaunt out with Gigi Saturday afternoon and found the movie, Dutch on the telly. I don't remember watching this movie very much, but I ALWAYS remember my Mom howling with laughter over one particular line for whatever reason. I often wondered why that memory was so clear, yet I couldn't remember other details of the flick. To my delight (and to further solidify my faith in the universe), my question was answered was I flicked through the channels and found this movie. It didn't take long for me to feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was bbm-ing with Jo and I told her how I was a mixture of laughter and tears. When Ed O'Neill looks over at Ethan Randall in the car and quips, "I don't care if you live, die or grow mushrooms in your crack..." I burst into a fit of laughter. That was the line my Mom had laughed at so many years ago. The sound of that laugh has stuck with me for years.
Feeling a bit down, I send bf a bbm and as our conversation progressed, it dawned on me that the feeling I have overall is one of frustration. I know I'm lonely and that I miss my Mom in a way I never thought I could live through, but most of all I'm frustrated that I will live with these feelings until the day we meet again amongst the clouds and angels. I can't make these feelings go away, nor do I want to since burying your feelings is a horrible thing to do. Sometimes, we need a good, healthy cry. A cry interrupted with laughter as you realize that life really is wonderful is such a fantastic thing.