This is My Wish for You

Today I hope this finds you happy, healthy and inspired. I hope you read these words and realize that within you is all the power you'll ever need. You're capable of so many things - but you already knew that, didn't you?

When I need a little bit of inspiration to attack my goals, I turn to Elle Woods. It's true, the first Legally Blonde movie reminds me to work hard and expect the very best of myself, even if others don't.


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Today I'm thankful for a dear friend of mine for inspiring this post. The universe gives us what we need exactly when we need it. I didn't have anything planned for today, but a quick chat over BBM (it's back up!!) last night and this morning reminded me of how we're all capable of spreading happiness, hope and support. Today, do something for somebody else. Hold a door open. Buy the person in line behind you a coffee. Smile at a stranger. It doesn't take much.

When you need encouragement, what do you do?

This Will Restore Your Faith

Did I mention I'm a devoted fur mama? Have I told you that I have feared since the day I brought them home, the day when I will lose my angelic fur babies? Have I lost a pet before and has it crushed me? Yes, it has. Will I be a complete mess when my first baby (my fur baby Gigi) goes to the Rainbow Bridge? I'll be worse than a mess. It's bloody dreary to think about before kicking off the weekend, but I read something today that I had to share with you guys. And, in order to share I had to give it some context, so blame literary rules for that depressing intro. Here goes...

Our 14 year old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could and she dictated these words:

Dear God.
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith.




We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies." Taped to the inside of the front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey and Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me, just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.

Love, God.

I'm not an overly religious person, but I am spiritual. Stories like this fill my heart with pride, joy and compassion. The tears that glide slowly down my cheeks are tears of happiness and hope. Hope that more people will spread the kind of love Meredith, Abbey and God have. Make what you will of the story. I believe every word.

What do you believe in?

* I found this on Facebook. A friend of mine posted it as a wall photo. I don't know where it originated *

This Letter of Hope

It's been a while since I've written - I've been sick with the flu - and even today, I don't have much to say, but I do have something to share. For my readers outside Canada, you may not know much about the New Democratic Party leader, Jack Layton. He passed away yesterday and it's left a void in Canadian politics and in this country I'm so proud to live in. I want to share a letter he wrote two days before he succumbed to cancer.

This letter is so hopeful. So full of spirit, written by a man who even in his final days saw the potential in our great country. His optimism, sincerity and honesty are moving. If you need a boost today, please read this.

This Cuppa Cheer

For me, it's really the simple things in life. The smallest thing can turn my entire day around and I consider myself really lucky to see the world this way. This doesn't mean I don't adore HUGE gestures of the insanely rich kind as well. Shoot, if you wanna bestow upon me a swank downtown condo with a view, that'd make me super happy too, but the sight of the Christmas cups at Starbucks is my personal thrill for today.

The start of the holidays is bitter-sweet for me because I'm always wondering how it would feel if my mom were still here. Christmas was IT for my mom and she made each season incredible no matter how broke we were. My favourite memories as a kid are the ones that only made sense later on, when I was "let in" on the Santa secret. One year, Santa left me a note on the new kitchen set he had left me. I was stoked that the big elf had left ME a personally written note on my kitchen chalkboard. Now I wonder how I didn't recognize my mom's handwriting... Another year my mom helped me set out a snack for Santa before I went off to bed. I wanted to leave him milk (my mom wasn't a fan), but my mom thought Santa would prefer an icy class of Coca-Cola. If you knew my mom, you know that she loved a refreshing glass of coke. When she helped me pick out the sweets to leave Santa, she suggested that I save the cookies for myself and leave Santa some of the festive delights my Nanny had made for us. Coincidentally, my mom's faves. Good job Mama ;)

I miss my mom every single minute of every single day and I don't think that will ever change. Time doesn't lessen my sorrow, but the warmth I feel knowing my mom hasn't really left helps. I dream about her almost every night. For years, she was seldom a part of my dreams and in each of them I always knew she'd have to leave again. I cried through most of those ones. Now, it's like she's still here. I share parts of my day with her, talk to her about the people in my life, ask her about the boy, and there aren't nearly as many tears.

My dad spares no expense if he sees something he knows my mom would have loved. Charlie Brown was Mr. Christmas for my mom, so my dad buys up every ornament he can find with The Peanuts theme. We blast the soundtrack and watching my dad do his piano player impression with enthusiasm sort of lets me forget that mom isn't here.

The first time I watch A Charlie Brown Christmas each season, I cry because it was my mom's favourite and because I really wish I could still watch it with her. That movie reminds me of a simpler time when I wasn't consumed with career choices, bills, juggling a hectic schedule and trying to be a daughter, sister, pseudo-mom, friend, employee, romantic partner, cousin, granddaughter and more to all the important people in my life. As I grow and mature, I'm learning how to be Crystal and who she is to the people around her. Some of it may be tough, but with each day and the challenges it might bring I still find the happy stuff hidden and I always have a smile.

This Big Sister Thing

I have three younger sisters, all of whom I adore for different reasons. Just so nobody gets jealous, I'm writing about the baby today but I'll include posts about Jenna and Chels in my blog as well. There we go, that's my disclaimer - basically meant for Jenna and Chelsea so we can avoid a jealousy fit.

Chandler Victoria is my baby sister. It doesn't matter that she's 16 now and has more wisdom than lots of people much older than her, she will always be my baby sister. Chan and I are ten years apart, but we talk to each other like there's no age gap. I go to her for advice constantly. She knows exactly how to speak to me when I'm upset and has such a genuine gentleness about her. She is really extraordinary and I always knew she was.

Even as an infant, this kid was just aware of stuff. She would gaze at my mother with knowing eyes and it always seemed clear that she was special. Not short school bus special, but Disney princess special. Okay, maybe the Disney reference was lame and not a stellar example of who Chandler is. That's part of her magic though. You have to be around this girl to truly appreciate the magnitude of her gifts. She's a wonderful person and is destined for big things in life. I expect her to be either a teacher or some type of healer. Perhaps a doctor, spiritual healer, naturopath or social worker. Regardless of the path she chooses, her spirit will spread its roots and touch all those who need it.

I may have lost some of you already and I get that. Chandler is very intuitive and when I realized this recently, it made perfect sense. Ask anyone whose heard me describe my sister and they'll agree that the words "special," "gifted," "truly individual" and "pretty much the coolest chick ever" are part of my arsenal when bragging about her. This young woman has had her share of shitty stuff in her life, but is coming through with a renewed spirit and zest for life that makes me realize anything is possible.

Lately, Chandler is my life coach and happiness guru. I ask her questions about my life all the time and she always knows the answers. Last month she made a time capsule and included her prediction for who I would marry and how the relationship would unfold. It's the little things like this that show me the tremendous amount of hope and love she has for everyone. Hope is not always an easily found commodity, especially for those who have overcome turmoil and tragedy in their lives. I'd have to say though, hope is something my family has in truckloads. Chandler was four years old when our mother died and although she's had some struggles, she remains one of the loveliest people I know.

When my mom was sick, I came home from a party one night, turned down my covers and found my tiny baby sister snuggled in a ball in my bed. Her blonde hair covered her face and she was clothed in only a diaper. She was just a toddler at the time. I got into bed beside her and watched her sleep, knowing that one day soon she would be without a mother. My heart broke for the first time in my life.

The next morning I told my mother who I had found in my bed. Mom looked at me with a softness in her eyes and adjusted the silk scarf on her head and said, "She was in your bed because she knows you're going to take care of her Crys. She's getting ready for when I'm gone." I have never forgotten this moment. There are bigger things in life and powers that shape our lives when we need them most. Somehow my baby sister knew at only three years old that she would grow up without a mother and would depend on me - only 14 at the time - to raise her as our mother would have. My mom and I had a silent agreement that morning and it's a promise I will keep for eternity. In this life and forever, I will try to show my sisters who our mom was and raise them with the dignity and strength I know she had. Being a big sister is perhaps the most important job I'll ever have and nothing makes me happier.