This Silver Lining Found Me

I've been having a crummy week folks, so it's been tough to think of exciting, happiness-filled stuff to write about. I really believe that there is an upside to everything and that philosophy has brought me through some challenges in life. I was chatting with one of my many cousins this week and she said, "Crystal, we're only given what we can handle and clearly someone thinks you can handle a lot. You're not meant to get a break in life because you can handle everything." It wasn't just a pep talk, but a reminder that I do always manage to find a way to pull through. It's not like I search for strength, I've just never considered anything less than pushing through and making the best of things.

I guess I'm tough, but this week I've had my share of tears. Last night as I was getting ready for bed and tweeting from my BlackBerry, I started to cough. Gigi flew across my bed, put her two front paws on my shoulder and kissed my face. Coughs always concern her and when I looked at her sweet furry face I thought to myself, "Life can't really be that bad if this sweet creature is here to lick my face when I need some luvin." She really makes each day sunny - even when the sky is full of clouds. Go find your silver lining today, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed and gloomy.

This Smile, This Tear

I got an email this afternoon that left me unfocused and stunned for the rest of the work day. A young woman I know, respect and think about daily is coming to the end of her battle with a rare brain tumour. The news sucks and although we've known for a while that medicine hasn't progressed fast enough to find a cure, you always keep hoping for a miracle. I never lose hope, even when I know things are bad and the truth is obvious, I always wish and pray and hope that something will miraculously happen and our otherwise bleak path will be altered.

When I'm down and I'm struggling to understand why really shitty things are happening, I try to find the lesson. I really believe everything happens for a reason - I have to - although sometimes these reasons don't reveal themselves for years. I'll fully admit though, I'm having a hard time keeping the faith that there's a bigger reason for why such a gorgeous and determined 26 year old woman will leave this earth far too soon. Even with the odds against her LB always has a sparkle in her eye and the drive to find a cure for people just like her. For the last few years she's been suffering through treatments, surgeries, adjustments and the reality that she's losing some independence as this horrible illness robs her completely, but she has never quit trying to find a cure. She has never quit finding new ways to raise money for research. She has never quit being an inspiration for everyone who knows her and we will never quit fighting for her cause.

I drove home from work this evening with a frown. My brows were furrowed, I chewed at my lips and regardless of the warm September air and brilliant sunshine, I was just pissed about the news I received regarding LB's health this afternoon. I want to find the reason for this. I want to believe that something good will come from all this. If fate never reveals why LB, her family, friends and supporters are subject to this awful truth then all I can hope is that her determination and fight will have inspired those who need it most. If nothing else, LB has shown so many people that you should never give up. Do whatever it takes to turn the world on its head and make a difference. Leave your mark somehow, even when the circumstances are truly fucking horrible. B-Strong for LB.

www.bstrong.ca

This Ex/Current Bestie

Tonight I went to The Host (killer Indian restaurant in TO) with my ex/bestfriend, his roomie and her mother. Mattar paneer, good conversation - even the parts that roomie translated for her Cuban mother - and a stroll through Yorkville made for a relaxing evening in the city.

The air was warm and comfortable and I realized how blessed I am to still have Dushi in my life. After a horrible breakup a few years ago, I told him I never wanted to see him again. I couldn't bear the thought of knowing how his life would turn out without me in it. Dushi told me that there was no way he was going to let me forget him and that no matter how much it sucked at the time, we had to remain friends because of how close we'd become in our epic relationship.

I communicate with Dushi on a daily basis. I speak to him more than I speak to my closest girlfriends. I'm not playing favourites, I just share an ease with Dushi that's hard to find in most relationships. Once we were able to accept the fact that our romantic relationship had to end, and the initial wounded heart feelings subsided, we were able to turn our relationship into something even better.

I'm sure there are people who think we're still in love with one another and I can assure you, we're not. If I wanted to be with him, I would. It's that simple. He brings things to my life as a friend that he couldn't or didn't as my boyfriend and we're soooo much more compatible now. I'm not trying to be what I thought his ideal wife would be and he's not torturing himself over not being the guy I needed at the time. We laugh, we talk and most importantly, he's the first person I go to with big news, with heartbreaks, with career questions, with life queries and with basically everything. He's more than just a friend to me. He's one of the most important people in my universe and I feel so blessed to have the relationship I do with him.

You can't always be friends with an ex, but if you can, it's so worth it.

This Lady

I consider myself a female, a woman, a girl, but mostly a lady. There aren't enough ladies out there anymore. Being a lady means having manners, respecting yourself, carrying yourself with pride and actually caring about the image your portray of yourself. Stumbling into the street sans undies, spilling vodka and Red Bulls on your girlfriends and waking up in a haze on Sunday mornings is not very becoming of a lady - right?

Okay, like most gals my age I've had my share of less than graceful un-ladylike moments. I have spilled some drinks, I have stumbled out of heavy club doors into crowded Toronto streets and I've peeled my eyes open on the occasional Sunday morning with a marching band in my head. I never exited a cab exposing my britney though, I've got too much class for that. Even drowning in mixed drinks, I'm still well aware of whether or not I'm flashing a bunch of strangers. Mama taught this girl better than that.

As a lady, I look for gentlemen and nothing less. Pay the cheque, pull out my chair, open the car door for me and look directly into my eyes when you speak to me. Before you start bitching about my "pay the cheque" comment, understand what I'm saying. I don't mean I never want to spend a cent of my own money on a relationship. What I mean is I see a man taking care of the dinner cheque a sign of chivalry and old-fashioned values. I like that.

I'm not looking for a hero to rescue me or anything, I just want a romantic guy who makes me laugh, holds my hand in public and disarms me with his smile.