This Much is True - Dump Him.

via
Hopefully I can't be sued for using those song lyrics as a title for this post and if I do get sued, well, good luck getting any money from me. Anyways, I've been thinking lately about a friend of mine. She's in one of those dreaded relationship storms. The guy is bad news. She knows it. Everyone who loves her is telling her so, but she's still scared to make a change. This change would be significant mind you, so I 100% see why she's flip flopping on it. However, having come out the other side of the dark, bad, painful relationship tunnel, I know how good it is on the other side. Girlfriends, I want to share some insights as well as a previous post that has resonated with the right people. Who are the right people, you ask? The people who needed those words the very minute I started writing them. That's always my goal. I hope that if nothing else, when you visit Major Gal you get a dose of more than you want, but exactly what you need.

Here is what I'm offering you: a chance to shed the tears you need to while giving you a glimpse of the strength we both know is already within. Read this and remember a good guy won't let you go, but the right guy would never give you a reason to leave in the first place.

Jan 23 update
A big thanks for the comments and positivity. Sometimes even a great girl needs a confidence boost to get out of a less than amazing situation xoxo

This'll Sting for a While

We've all been there, I'm sure. A relationship ends and even if you've ended it - knowing very well that it was the right thing to do - you still spend days overwhelmed with sadness. It's okay my sweets. Broken hearts are always mended and eventually you'll wonder how you could ever be so sad about some jerk who didn't deserve your affections in the first place. Trust me, this day is coming.

I've been in this place many times. I've been sad and lonely and somehow convinced myself that even though I dumped that idiot, that somehow I'd made a mistake since surely being with him is better than being alone at this very minute. I was wrong and if you're under that delusion right now, you're also wrong. As wrong as thick white eyeliner and platform flipflop sandals.

I'm a bit of a sucker for true to life quotations, so I follow a bunch of those accounts on Twitter. I once read this and can't believe I didn't think of it myself: I know you think you'll never get over him, but you also thought it would never end. BINGO! When you think you're never going to get through this, remember those words.

I've had relationships end and spent more time than I'd care to admit being heartbroken. I believe in mourning relationships we walk away from and then moving on, so I've recently given one of my dearest friends some kick in the ass therapy. This incredible woman is sad because her relationship just ended and I'll go on the record saying it definitely needed to end. She knows that. It's not news. However, she's stuck in a predictable pattern of anger, sadness and loneliness. She misses that prick. It's a harsh label, but completely warranted in this case.

I've learned the hard way that telling your girlfriends what you really think about their boyfriends can mean the end of your friendship, so I made a choice years ago to just be supportive (unless I feel they're in danger) of the relationships. This means I keep my opinions of certain guys to myself. In this case however, girlfriend needed a kick in the hiney and I asked if I could give it to her. She obliged. I told her that she's not actually missing him, but choosing to forget the bad stuff because it's been a while since the split and she's remembering the happy stuff to make herself feel better. It's a coping mechanism. Push out the reasons why you ended things (he was being a complete jackass) and flood your aching heart with memories of him making you laugh and feel loved. You temporarily feel better and start going through the "Should I call him? I really miss him, that must mean we should be together" cycle.

Don't lie to yourself. Things ended for a reason. Sure, sometimes couples get back together and the pair go through growth for the better. In most cases though, the relationship ended because it had to. You already know that you, don't you?

This Is Actually Happening?

My girlfriend messaged me Friday night while I was in a cab coming back from NOT seeing Girl Talk - turns out we should have bought tickets ahead of time. Anyways, as I was sweltering in the back of a taxi flying across Queen Street my phone lit up with the message "he broke up with me." This news was coming out. of. the. blue.

The relationship was fairly new, but there were no signs of problems. It got me thinking, what makes a guy bail on a really great girl suddenly? A couple of hours later as Tina and I sat at The Cadillac Lounge discussing careers, relationships and how much food we mistakenly ordered she asked me what happened with the last bf. I told her that we were headed in different directions - the usual blah, blah, it didn't work stuff. I told her how excited I am to tackle the world on my own and she said, "You know you aren't going to be single forever, right?" Sure, in theory I know this and I don't honestly think I'm destined to live alone with my dogs, but I'm planning on life in the foreseeable future as a single woman. It seems regardless of the guys I've dated, some of whom I thought were potential forever men, I've yet to be in that relationship where everything and I mean everything falls in to place. So why is that?

My newly single gal pal is successful, beautiful, funny and brings a lot to a relationship - so why did buddy bail on her? Could it be that guys are threatened of successful, capable and confident women? I've been told that's my problem. I scare them off and to that I say "good!" I don't want some wussy guy who's threatened by my career and my opinions and my ability to be on my own and be blissfully happy. Man up guys.


VIA

Later on in the evening, Tina and I were joined by her bf and some friends I hadn't seen in ages. The question came up, "So, where's the boy?" Fearing I'd burst into tears or something, Tina gave her bf the look. "We broke up. Months ago." I told them. Feeling they'd blundered they told me to look on the bright side. I'm not sad about it. I was, of course but now I'm so happy with myself and I know things ended because they needed to. Then the topic of some other people I've dated came up and this is what I find so amusing...

"You dated him after so and so?" I was asked in disbelief Friday night. All I can say is, I must have been temporarily insane when I made some of the dating choices in my history. Some were complete gentleman, total douchebags, at a different point in their lives, living in a different country or only looking for one thing. I'm okay with all of that. It's my dating history and it's brought me to exactly where I am today: single and not willing to settle.

Did I think I'd be one of the last people in my circle of friends to be serious with a guy and have babies and all that? Nope, but now that I am I'm more than okay with it. Plus, going out as a single lady is so much more fun :) Do you ever wonder why you're not meeting the right person? Do you get the whole, "how are you single?" question? Well eff me, if I knew why I was still single, maybe I wouldn't be. My only guess is none of the dudes that have come in to my life were meant to stay romantically forever and the guy who is meant to stay just hasn't shown up or we haven't realized we're destined for each other yet. I'm happy with that. I want a real man so he has some growing up to do before I'm ready to do all that happily ever after stuff.

Tuesdays I Blog About Relationships

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've said "hello!" Work is nutty, this weekend was full of action and I'm happy to say involved a lot of cleaning. Spiritual, emotional and condo cleaning. Spring is in the air so I swept up the cobwebs and turned my cheeks to the sun. It's just so good for the soul, you know? So, I have some advice that I just needed to share. I was chatting with a friend, a former co-worker actually and he said to me "Stop making goals. Ignore every man you see until you see someone you can't ignore." It's true that we're supposed to find love when we're not looking for it, so I think there's some wisdom in this. If this is helpful for any of my faithful readers out there, excellent. If not, keep it in mind. One day it might be exactly the advice you need.

This is Me Loving ME

Hey guys, I'm over at How To Raise A Boyfriend again today. It's such a great site and I love being a part of something a) empowering for females b) related to my love of blogging and writing c) something Canadian, specifically from the Toronto community and d) that's letting me get myself out there even more :)

http://www.howtoraiseaboyfriend.com/2011/03/love-you-first-written-by-crystal-major/

This is a BIG Day!

Hey there friends, today a great new site was launched by Toronto author, Rebecca Eckler. The best part (for me) is that I'm a part of it! What's even more awesome (again, perhaps just to me) is that as part of my new blogging schedule I've dedicated Tuesdays to people and relationships. The entire focus of Eckler's site is relationships. So pop over and check me out. Also, please leave me some comments. Let me know what you think or even just mention that you stopped by. It will mean so much to me. For any of you self-built writers and bloggers out there, you know how hard it is to make a name for yourself and how great it feels to hear that people are actually reading your stuff.

Here's a link to my first feature: http://www.howtoraiseaboyfriend.com/2011/02/the-blended-family-by-crystal-major/

Enjoy!