This Afterthought

I realized after my last post that perhaps I should clarify a few details about my insanity, otherwise known as typical chick behaviour.
1)The insanity was not torture throughout the year and I could have walked away at any point (and tried), but I chose to hang in there and keep "trying." At least I thought it was trying, but really it was me refusing to see what was right in front of me: a great guy who was totally straight with me on where he stood - he didn't want a girlfriend - whom I had a fantastic time with and had serious chemistry with. It was the kind of cocktail that girls like myself seek. He was fun, sexy and unavailable. I wasn't afraid of a challenge and I was used to getting what I wanted. Not like a spoiled brat, but I'm pretty cool and guys dig me so usually if I decide to go after a hunk, I get him. That was not the happy ending to this insane story however.

2)I know I'm not alone in this type of relationship induced psychosis. I have seen incredible chicks make themselves look totally pathetic because they're stuck on some dude that doesn't want them. When you're in the haze, especially the sex haze as Carrie Bradshaw once put it, it's hard to see clearly. Details are clouded in smoke. You let bullshit behaviour continue. You let yourself act like a desperate spinster. It ain't pretty sister and if you've been here and come out of it, you know how ugly it is. Some of my best friends have knowingly gone into crazy mode over some prick that doesn't deserve them. We torture outselves for whatever reason, but eventually we smarten up.

3) Recognizing the signals as soon as they start showing up is key to avoiding this crazy lady persona. When he tells you he doesn't want a relationship, just believe him and move on. You don't have to prove him wrong and you're certainly not going to change his mind. Like, let's not be totally pathetic here gals. When you have a super awesome time together every time you see each other, but rarely go on actual dates, ditch him. He wants one thing and you're giving it to him so his sticking around is NOT proof that he loves you, it's proof that he's driven by what's in his boxer briefs. Don't feel stupid. We've all been there.

4) Finally, don't be ashamed of your insanity. It's only temporary if you're willing to move forward and walk away. Ideally, you should walk away from him in your best pair of ass-hugging Rock and Republics so his last memory of you in the flesh is of how great your butt is. He deserves some torture after all you've put yourself through on his behalf. Have poise, have grace and lady stick to your guns. There's no turning back because you'll just look uber lame and will lose all credibility and will put yourself back in the straitjacket of lust. Really, a cute pea coat or a classic trench looks way better on you anyways so ditch the POW love garments girlfriend!

So, there it is. My insanity was largely the product of my own making. I can't blame him and neither should you if you've been there once or twice before. I can tell you after successfully completing my rehabilitation program of hanging with my ladies, spending time on myself, getting together with the most awesome guy ever and spending some money on new clothes that life out of that crazy fog is so much better.

Dr. Major xoxo


Anonymous said...

Over my 14 years of dating I have realized:
a) That when you are confident you can make almost any man want you (even gay ones)
b) Just cause they want you, does not mean they want to date you.
c) It's easier to tell someone to bow out of a relationship (or non-relationship) than it is to actually bow out.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the after thought and very well written!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

she always writes well and professional. she also looks good when writting! she is now a master of relations and a man driver

Anonymous said...

i'm happy that you realized that you deserve better and that his non-committal style wasn't what you wanted. I have been in that situation myself, and one day I realized that he was never going to change and that I had to cut him loose. You did the right thing and i'm glad that you have found happiness.

Anonymous said...

you may have a lot of fans you are not aware of...keep up the nice can make the world dream about you