This Will Be 14 Years

You know, it's funny. I don't usually sit at my desk struggling for something to write, but I've started this some post a few times already. If you've been following me for more than a year, you might remember that I usually write about my mama around Canada Day. That's because she passed away on July 2nd, 1997. It still doesn't seem real to me sometimes. I'm guessing it never will.

I'm not sure what I can say about my gorgeous mother that I haven't already. She was too young. She didn't deserve to die. She should still be here. All the cliches apply and I've said them hundreds of times. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we're only given what we can handle in life. So, losing my mom at 15 was part of His plan. Sometimes plans really suck and generally, I love plans. I've got some questions when I get to heaven - I can tell ya that much.

Tonight I'm visiting my oldest and bestest friend, Meaghan. We're gonna sit on her porch swing, rocking back and forth and laughing while her hubby puts the baby to sleep. The summer my mom died, Meaghan didn't really ever leave my side. Megs, if I've never told you how important that was to me back then, here is my thanks. Many years have passed, but I haven't forgotten how wonderful you were during one of the worst times of my life. LYLAS.

I don't know if Canada Day will ever become one of those happy weekends for me again. Fireworks are beautiful. BBQs with friends and family are fantastic. Celebrating this wonderful country fills me with pride, but all the while I'm thinking about my mom and where I was at this time 14 years ago.

She's been gone for more than half my life now. Hardly seems possible. She's still such a huge part of things in my family. We all talk about her, laugh when we remember the good stuff and try to focus on the positives and not the negatives. When Kate showed my Aunt Dolly the sonogram of Lily, my aunt said, "She has Mina's nose. Look. She has that ski-jump nose just like Mina." She's still here. Maybe my aunt was seeing that facial characteristic because she wanted to and maybe, Lily really does take after her great never thought about it, but my mom would have been a great aunt by now. I guess a lot happens in 14 years. I've grown. My family has changed and expanded but one thing that remains is the place in our hearts where my mom will always be.

When you're out this weekend celebrating with your friends and families, think about how lucky you are to live in such a fantastic country, surrounded by people you love. You're blessed. And if you're watching the fireworks, say hi to my mama when the really bright lights cascade down through the night sky. I know she'd be thrilled.

Forever Mama xoxo


Ashley said...

how blessed your mom was to have such a wonderful daughter like you! this is such a beautiful post for biggest and best thoughts to you sweet friend!

Megan said...

This is SO beautifully written!! I can't imagine losing my mom. : ( Praying for a good weekend for you, full of happy memories!!

Major Gal said...

thank you my sweet American friends. I hope you're enjoying today with your families. Much love from Canada.