This Nightmare Wedding

So help me, if the dream I had Saturday night turns out to be true, I'm eloping. Falling asleep on the couch before my elementary school bedtime Saturday night meant I had MANY hours for sweet dreams. Instead, I woke up Sunday morning pissed about the brutal dream I had. When I told my lady Julia about it Sunday night on our way downtown she laughed in my face and asked, "Why are you always having these wig-out (it means crazy, paranoid, freak out amongst my closest pals) wedding dreams Crystal?" Don't I wish I knew? I figured it would be normal for brides to have nightmares about stuff going wrong on their big day, but I don't know why I'm having dreams about my wedding NOW.

From what I can remember, the dream began at the back of the church. Peeking out of the bridal suite, I saw my bridesmaids draped in pastel satin preparing to walk down the aisle. Each of them had gorgeous bouquets in their delicate hands. I stepped out to look at the people sitting in the church and realized I didn't have my bouquet. WTF?! I hissed at one of my girls and she quickly scurried over to me. "What's up Crystal?" the gorgeous girl asked innocently...at least I thought she was innocent. "Where the fuck is my bouquet? I can't find it! I have to walk down the aisle in like 30 seconds!!!" I shrieked shaking my empty hands in the air. "Oh, ya. The flower people dropped everything off a while ago and your bouquet isn't here." she responded calmly. Calmly? I would assume that in my imagination I'm still an uber-organized woman who would carefully pick her bridal party. Amongst the gorgeous group, I'm thinking I'd have at least ONE girl who would have seen the missing bridal flowers as an issue. Not so. Nightmare symbol number one: the crappy bridesmaids more interested in the drunken guys at the reception than they are with my non-existent flowers.

Clearly not concerned with my lacking bouquet situation, my semi-attentive bridesmaid resumes her place in the procession and begins her walk down the aisle. Taking a deep breath, I step into the centre on the foyer and look at the front of the church at my handsome groom. The music switches and I begin walking towards my future. Not sure what to do with my empty hands, I clasp them together in front of my waist. I wink at one of my aunts and smile at the other guests before realizing that my dad is sitting in one of the aisles with my sisters...nightmare symbol two.

I stop walking and extend my arm towards my dad. "Are you coming?" I glare at him, sooo embarrassed that I'm walking myself down the aisle while my dad sits and watches me. "Oh! You want me to?" he asks. When he stands up I can't believe my fucking eyes. He's not wearing a tux, he's not wearing a suit, he's wearing an old plaid shirt - which I'm not even sure is clean - and faded jeans. My father is wearing a freggin' cowboy outfit at his eldest daughter's wedding!! Mortified, but relieved that he's there I link my arm through his and start walking towards my almost-hubby.

Since it's dreamland, things don't always make sense. There are no memories of the ceremony after that. When I get to the reception, I see some pathetic deejay set up at a folding table. Now, I love disco but for some reason I wasn't a fan of the genre in my dream. I march up to the unsuspecting music man and kindly ask him to play a different song. He flips a switch and another disco song begins. Smiling, I look him at him straight on and ask for another song. He responds with more disco. With daggers shooting out of my eyes, I decide on a different approach. I ask the deejay to stop playing disco and start playing music that I like. Thinking the problem is solved, I walk away from the table towards my friends. Suddenly some dreamland song starts playing and it reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. I spin around and head straight for the deejay again. "Take this song off RIGHT NOW!" I bark at him. He obliges and the music drama is over.

Determined to have a fabulous time, I look around for my girlfriends to ward off my wedding meltdown. I spot two of them at the bar in the hotel lobby, obviously drunk, obviously have a great time and obviously not caring that they're not actually "at" my reception. Then the nightmare really kicks in because I start screaming and freaking out, but nobody is paying attention. Honestly, you'd think a deranged bride sans bouquet would turn some heads. Not so. I'm yelling about how nobody thought it was important to help me with my flowers. I'm hollering about my dad and his awful outfit. I'm sobbing as I think about two of my closest friends spending the night plastered to the bar and then the dream ends.

The one thing that made this all worth it was knowing that no matter how shitty the wedding was, I was marrying the man of my sweetest dreams. It was perfect and so was my groom.


Anonymous said...

You know your mind can control your dreams. Practise making things gradually different in this dream. It really works! Your mind created the dream why not re-do it to your liking! Just a suggestion. xo

Anonymous said...

Look into Wedding Coordinators now and figure out which one you'll want to work with. A well planned minute-by-minute will close all gaps (b/c it includes back up plans too). There are a lot of things I wish I knew prior to my own wedding. And if all else fails, call me over and I'll damn well make sure things fall into place.
Kelly Fleming-Wrightson