This Feeling of Strength

My roomie Jen just "gets" me. When I told her Monday night that I felt weird about just carrying on normally so quickly after my Nanny passed away, she confirmed what I couldn't express. I felt guilty.

Life goes on, regardless of what is happening around us or deep within. My heartbreak over losing my precious Nanny doesn't mean that I can curl up in bed and forget about my responsibilities. I have to move on, go to work, feed Gigi and do my laundry. This is life and death is a part of it.

Moving on doesn't mean you don't care. Everyone grieves differently. People always tell me how strong I am and it always seems strange to me. Coming through life's struggles isn't what I would consider strength in myself, but then again I've never felt there was any option other than getting on with life after a tragedy, heart break, loss, etc. I survive because that's the only thing I know how to do and I'm not sure where that comes from, but I do know I'm lucky to have that strength.

I truly believe God only gives you what you can handle and when I'm struggling to make sense of crummy situations, I think that the big guy up there must REALLY think I'm tough to give me another opportunity to pull through. I also remind loved ones of this when they're upset. There really is a reason for everything and when life seems dismal, there will be sunshine again. Perhaps reminding myself of this is what brings me strength.


Anonymous said...

You are the sweetest!

Anonymous said...

I love this post, and you are tough.
When you find this man you speak of, he is going to be one lucky guy.

Miss CMajor said...

these are two of the best comments i've had on my blog. thx guys!