This'll Sting for a While

We've all been there, I'm sure. A relationship ends and even if you've ended it - knowing very well that it was the right thing to do - you still spend days overwhelmed with sadness. It's okay my sweets. Broken hearts are always mended and eventually you'll wonder how you could ever be so sad about some jerk who didn't deserve your affections in the first place. Trust me, this day is coming.

I've been in this place many times. I've been sad and lonely and somehow convinced myself that even though I dumped that idiot, that somehow I'd made a mistake since surely being with him is better than being alone at this very minute. I was wrong and if you're under that delusion right now, you're also wrong. As wrong as thick white eyeliner and platform flipflop sandals.

I'm a bit of a sucker for true to life quotations, so I follow a bunch of those accounts on Twitter. I once read this and can't believe I didn't think of it myself: I know you think you'll never get over him, but you also thought it would never end. BINGO! When you think you're never going to get through this, remember those words.

I've had relationships end and spent more time than I'd care to admit being heartbroken. I believe in mourning relationships we walk away from and then moving on, so I've recently given one of my dearest friends some kick in the ass therapy. This incredible woman is sad because her relationship just ended and I'll go on the record saying it definitely needed to end. She knows that. It's not news. However, she's stuck in a predictable pattern of anger, sadness and loneliness. She misses that prick. It's a harsh label, but completely warranted in this case.

I've learned the hard way that telling your girlfriends what you really think about their boyfriends can mean the end of your friendship, so I made a choice years ago to just be supportive (unless I feel they're in danger) of the relationships. This means I keep my opinions of certain guys to myself. In this case however, girlfriend needed a kick in the hiney and I asked if I could give it to her. She obliged. I told her that she's not actually missing him, but choosing to forget the bad stuff because it's been a while since the split and she's remembering the happy stuff to make herself feel better. It's a coping mechanism. Push out the reasons why you ended things (he was being a complete jackass) and flood your aching heart with memories of him making you laugh and feel loved. You temporarily feel better and start going through the "Should I call him? I really miss him, that must mean we should be together" cycle.

Don't lie to yourself. Things ended for a reason. Sure, sometimes couples get back together and the pair go through growth for the better. In most cases though, the relationship ended because it had to. You already know that you, don't you?


Caitlin said...

This post is so true and we've definitely all been there. Sometimes it's so hard to just not look back and move on when you remember all of the good things about the relationship. But, in the end you'll be better once you kick the toxic out of your life!

Thanks for this inspiring post! :)

Anonymous said...

I've never heard it stated so clearly, and it's advice I could have used many times in my life:
"...she's not actually missing him, but choosing to forget the bad stuff because it's been a while since the split and she's remembering the happy stuff to make herself feel better. It's a coping mechanism".
Well said Ms. Major!
~ Kelly Fleming

Lena! said...

I love this post. It tackles a delicate issue with wisdom and inspiration.

And I've been there too, many times.

Ali said...

YOU ARE AMAZING. You are right. I am going through this but luckily have been on a good strong stretch recently and accpet the decision i had made. But giving this advice to friends is tough and i totally am careful to beat up on their ex. we don't want to disrespect or cause a distance between a friendship, you know? Amazing you are & so glad i found your blog. ours are similar. I want to work towards what your doing here. keep up the great work :)

Major Gal said...

thanks so much ladies. it's a delicate subject, but we're not doing ourselves any favours by hanging on to bad relationships.

Kelly said...

Um, have you read this posting lately? What greatly inspiring material; I highly recommend it :)

El Daley said...

One of my fave quotes seems to resonate with this post:

when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us - Helen Keller

keep those eyes peeled for that door of happiness ladies and gents, it's out there <3